The ‘Middle Wife’

YOU MAY HAVE SEEN THIS BEFORE…BUT STILL GOOD FOR A LAUGH… The ‘Middle Wife’ by an Anonymous 2nd Grade Teacher I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell.. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they’re welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow

stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. ‘This is Luke, my baby brother, and. I’m going to tell you about his birthday.’ First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom’s stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.’ She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement. Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts going, ‘Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!’

Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. ‘She walked around the house for, like an hour, ‘Oh, oh, oh!’ (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)’My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have sign on the car like the Domino’s man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.’ (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)’And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!’ (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!) ‘Then the middle wife starts saying ‘push, push,’ and ‘breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom’s play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there in the first place.’ Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I’m sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it’s Show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another ‘Middle Wife’ comes along

Related Posts

Every Day, A Dog Visits A Closed Store, And A Poor Boy Follows The Dog And Finds Out The Truth—Today’s Story

At just eighteen, Daniel found himself caught up in the monotony of a dull, unglamorous warehouse job. He spent most days on the late shift, often lifting…

I TOOK CARE OF MY SICK NEIGHBOR FOR YEARS, BUT AFTER HER DEATH, THE POLICE KNOCKED ON MY DOOR.

For seven years, I cared for Mrs. Patterson, an elderly woman abandoned by her own family. They only showed up when they needed money, then vanished again,…

Patients reveal the most awkward doctor visit they’ve ever had

Visiting the doctor can be unpleasant at times. Of course, it depends on the problem we have, but in general, hospitals aren’t the place we would ever…

Karolina Protsenko: The 10-Year-Old Violin Prodigy Who Stole Hearts with “Sunflower”

At just 10 years old, Karolina Protsenko took the internet by storm with her breathtaking violin performance of Post Malone’s hit song “Sunflower”. Playing at Santa Monica’s…

Rising Stars: Karolina Protsenko and Friends Breathe New Life into Mendelssohn’s Piano Trio

Fourteen-year-old violin virtuoso Karolina Protsenko is gearing up to dazzle audiences alongside her equally gifted friends, Eric and James, in an extraordinary musical showcase. The talented trio…

Catherine Zeta-Jones can’t hold back her tears: “He passed away today

Actor Treat Williams tragically passed away in a fatal motorcycle accident, sparking a wave of heartfelt tributes from celebrities mourning his loss and offering condolences to his…