Over the past few years, however, that changed. Rapinoe went fully woke, started kneeling for the National Anthem, dyed her hair rainbow colors, and started advocating for radical leftist causes.

By the end of this year, her career was over. She fumbled the World Cup, singlehandedly losing it for the US Team. She left Ol Reign with an injury. The Olympic Committee turned her away. Wheaties canceled her champion box and Nike dropped her. Now, the Pro Soccer Hall of Fame wants nothing to do with her because she’s “a vulgar woman.”

That’s what happens, patriots. These silly celebrities and athletes all think they’re gonna clean up by catering to zero point seven percent of the population when all they’re really doing is losing the respect of God-fearing, patriotic Americans.

ALLOD Sportsball Journalisticator Tara Newhole caught up with Rapinoe, who wanted us to correct a few things about the story. She says she “isn’t some loser living a life of shame because potatoes believe anything you tell them,” and asked us to “please stop making shit up before you destroy Democracy as we know it.”

It wasn’t actually Rapinoe who said that. It was one of a dozen Ivory Tower libtaters we get on the pages who believe that selling dumb storylines to people who already have no grasp on reality will somehow change their vote. It’s adorable.

Anyway. God Bless America.