A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.
Keep Calm And Oh Feck It Enjoy Some Craic
Paddy ordered a whiskey.

The stewardess asked the Muslim if he’d like a drink.

He replied in disgust,
“I’d rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!”

Paddy handed his drink back and said,
“Me too, I didn’t know we had a choice!”

One crisp morning in Dublin, Paddy O’Reilly was at the airport, about to board his flight to New York. Now, Paddy wasn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, but he had a heart of gold and a knack for getting into strange situations.
As he stood at the gate, a flight attendant approached him. “Sir, could I check your boarding pass, please?” she asked with a warm smile.

Paddy, slightly confused, patted his pockets. He couldn’t find his boarding pass. He looked more frantic, pulling out a sandwich, a pair of sunglasses, and a rubber chicken he had gotten from a shop on the way. But no boarding pass.

“Don’t panic, don’t panic,” Paddy muttered to himself, then suddenly grinned. “Ah, I’ve got it!” He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out… his lunch ticket. “Here you go!” he declared triumphantly, handing the flight attendant a ticket for a chicken wrap.