The teacher smiled at the class and announced, “I’ll give two dollars to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived.” An Irish boy shot his hand up and confidently said, “It was St. Patrick.” The teacher shook her head. “Sorry, Sean, that’s not correct.” A French boy was next. “Napoleon,” he declared proudly. “I’m sorry, Pierre,” the teacher replied, “that’s not right either.”

Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, “It was Jesus Christ.” The teacher beamed. “That’s absolutely right, Maurice. Come up here and get your two dollars.” As she handed him the money, she added, “You know, Maurice, I’m surprised you said that, considering you’re Jewish.” Maurice nodded and said, “Yeah… in my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business.”

In another tale, a woman was very rich and a man was poor but honest. She liked him well enough, and he knew it. One evening, feeling a little bolder than usual, he said, “You are very rich, aren’t you?” She nodded calmly. “Yes. I’m worth 1.25 million dollars.” He sighed. “I’m poor,” he said, then asked, “Will you marry me?” She answered simply, “No.”

“I thought you’d say no,” he replied. Curious, she asked, “Then why did you ask?” He smiled sadly. “Just to see how a man feels when he loses 1.25 million dollars.”

Finally, Stanley was shopping for a new office desk when he spotted a perfect one in an antique shop window. Inside, the shopkeeper told him it cost $5,000. Stanley scoffed, until the man explained it was a magic desk. The desk accurately counted the money in his pocket, then went completely wild when asked about his wife’s bank account. “Where did she get all that?” Stanley gasped—just as the desk’s legs slid apart and its drawers dropped open.